14 In Marriage/ Personal Growth

Growing your Marriage through Deployment

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Friends, please welcome my sweet friend Sabrina to our space today. Sabrina and I met because we are in a small close knit mastermind and I was instantly drawn to her. Not only is her blog amazing and beautiful, but her soul is as well. I know if we lived closer, we would be real life coffee friends. Sabrina’s husband has been away on deployment and I have been in awe of how she copes so gracefully. I am so honored that she chose to write about a topic so near and dear to her heart on Just A Simple Home. Thank you so much Sabrina!

If you happen to connect with Sabrina today, please give her a congratulations…her husband is coming home today!

 

Hi everyone,
this is Sabrina over from MeetOurLife. Usually I write about our home renovation journey and diy projects. However, today I will be sharing with you something rather personal- how I grew through my husband’s deployment.

Our Deployment Story and Why I am Writing This

Let me start by telling you our situation. My husband is in the Florida Air Guard and this is his third deployment while it is my first. During the entire time he was at safe location so we had less to worry about. Nonetheless going through a deployment as a military spouse especially your first isn’t easy. I tried to prepare myself as much as I could but what I read wasn’t really helping. All they ever talked about was how you can distract yourself. None of them described the feelings or the stages you would go through. This deployment was one of the toughest things I went through and I wish I was more prepared. So I want to take this opportunity and help other women who are going through this. Make sure that you are ready and that you know what is coming for you. hands deployment

New Emotional Cycles of Deployment

One of the things I want to touch first is the handout “New Emotional Cycles of Deployment”. I received it from another spouse after my husband left. Funnily enough, the first time I was reading it I thought “This will never be me”. However as time passed I realized that I was actually going through the stages. I won’t go too much into detail about each of the stages. But I will give you examples of how I felt like and tell you how I made it through them.

The Emotional Sages – 1 and 2

Before my husband even left I was pretty much in denial and anxious the entire time (stage 1). It was super stressful trying to get ready, the house done and it was all just too much for me. After he left I started to cope a little but then I started to feel detached and I withdrew myself (stage 2). I was angry and sad for we didn’t get to talk a lot. (This was actually the case during the entire deployment thanks to poor internet connection.) I was mad at my husband for neglecting and I was mad at myself for thinking this way. It was a tough time, I prayed a lot and asked for God’s forgiveness. shadow-box-edited

The Emotional Stages – 3 and 4

Once I realized we both did everything possible, I got used to being alone. Around 4 months in I started to feel tired though almost burned out (stage 3) and I just wanted the deployment to be over. It helped to talk about it especially to my husband. At first I didn’t want to complain because he was going through something way tougher than me. But then one day about 5 months in I bursted and just told him how I felt. That moment changed everything and I started to feel more confident (stage 4). I got more confident to talk about my feelings with my husband. He kept talking me up which helped a lot. Honestly acknowledging that this deployment was tough was one of the hardest things. But once he knew what I was going through things changed for the better.

The Emotional Stages – 5 through 7

As I am writing this my husband will be home by the end of October. So I only made it to stage 5 which has been the best stage to be honest. I started to get excited once it finally sunk in that this will be over soon. The past few weeks have been really stressful but they have also been nice. My husband and I got to talk more and started planning our future together. Honestly the anticipating can get unbearable at times but it is also nice. It almost feels like when we started dating. When you can’t wait to receive a text or talk over the phone and you just can’t wait to see each other. And who doesn’t like to go through that again?

How my Relationship to God helped me Grow

One thing I learned early on was how much I needed God to get through this. Every time I felt low I would go to him and pray about it. Especially during the time where I felt neglected. I got more involved in church to feel needed and also to grow my relationship to God. Knowing that He was taking care of me helped me so much. I learned to put my husbands needs before mine, what my role was during all of this and how to be a godly wife. Honestly I could have never made it without God and looking back I am so grateful for this experience. I have grown so much in my confidence and in the way I look at my husband. Our relationship has grown so much and I am so beyond thankful for that.

And so I am leaving you on a happy note. I hope this will be helpful to everyone who is going through a deployment. Believe me I keep you in my prayers and I hope that you will get through it the way I did. Thank you so much for stopping by and feel free to reach out to me if you ever need someone to talk to.

Sabrina
Snippet: Going through your husband’s deployment isn’t easy. Learn how to get through it, how to grow your relationship and how you will grow yourself.

Please follow Sabrina at MeetOurLife.com, Instagram, and Facebook

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14 Comments

  • Reply
    Sabrina
    October 26, 2016 at 11:43 am

    Aw thank you so much Terryn for your sweet words. You are so amazing and I thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to share my experience here on your beautiful space.

  • Reply
    Maria
    October 26, 2016 at 11:52 am

    This post will bring so much encouragement to other women experiencing and walking through. I just can’t imagine….

    • Reply
      Sabrina
      October 26, 2016 at 5:55 pm

      Thank you , that was my hope writing this post. Thank you so much for stopping by 🙂

  • Reply
    Cait
    October 26, 2016 at 2:21 pm

    wow this is so powerful Terryn. Although I don’t what it’s like I’ve had friends go through this as well and I know how difficult it can be. Thanks so much for sharing!

  • Reply
    Sabrina
    October 26, 2016 at 5:57 pm

    Thank you Cait for your sweet words and thank you to your friends for their service! My prayers will go out to them 😊

  • Reply
    Eryka
    October 26, 2016 at 7:54 pm

    Stay strong! I can’t imagine all you are going through

    • Reply
      Sabrina
      October 28, 2016 at 2:25 pm

      Thank you Eryka, that is so sweet of you to say. It is over now and my hubby is finally home! A lot to be thankful for!

  • Reply
    Melissa
    October 27, 2016 at 7:55 am

    Thank you for sharing! I can’t imagine what it must be like to go through a deployment. Thank you and your husband for your service! I am sure you must be so excited for your husband to be home.

    • Reply
      Sabrina
      October 28, 2016 at 2:26 pm

      Thank you Melissa, that is so sweet of you to say. We are both really happy that he is home now. Thank you for your sweet support and kind words!

  • Reply
    candy
    October 27, 2016 at 8:08 am

    My husband is retired Air Force and we went through several deployments one lasting for a year. My daughters husband just returned Tuesday from deployment. We both understand our unique situations and struggles while our loved ones are away from home for long periods of time.

    • Reply
      Sabrina
      October 28, 2016 at 2:28 pm

      Wow Candy, thank you, your husband, your daughter and your son in law for your service! I am glad your daughter had you through this period! Family support is so essential and I am so happy she had you!!

  • Reply
    Bridget | Nutty Hiker
    October 27, 2016 at 6:08 pm

    I remember my first deployment like it was yesterday (I’ve survived 7 in the past 17 years) and it was by far was the toughest! Most people don’t realize that you go through much of the same cycle just as you would if you were grieving. Then when they come home, they cycle starts over again as you learn to get to know each other again! In the end though, you grow so much stronger as a couple!
    =) Bridget | http://nuttyhiker.com

    • Reply
      Sabrina
      October 28, 2016 at 2:31 pm

      Oh wow Bridget, thank you and your husband for your continuous service. I can’t imagine to go through 7 deployments 🙈 You are right it is like grieving and it feels like we are dating again. It is a process but we have grown for which I will be forever grateful. Thank you for your sweet words!!

  • Reply
    Savannah
    January 3, 2017 at 3:48 am

    I’m sure this post is so encouraging to women going through the same as you. I think that being able to identify the feelings helps give a sense of sanity, as well as sort of a reminder that you are not alone. I imagine deployments really are tough on the entire family, but I’m sure they make you a whole lot stronger as well. Many hugs! And thank you all for your sacrifice <3

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